HANS GRUBER

Introduction

There’s a famous saying. A hero’s only as good as their villain. And that quote rings true. We remember the hero for their great deeds, but who’s going to give them a beast to conquer, a deed to overcome, a quest to complete. The villain, naturally.

Somebody also said, “Every villain is a hero of his or her own story”. Again, the saying rings true. In life, we may act in ways we think are right, but from another point of view, that action was wrong. The villain of every story absolutely thinks they are doing the right thing.

And if we put those two quotes together, you get a mixture that’s too convoluted for my simple mind to pick apart. But buried underneath the layers, you would probably discover that every villain is also the hero, and every hero is also the villain.

What was this all for? A 140 word introduction for this series of articles in which I delve into six movie villains I find exciting and fun to think about. And each of these six villains I think deserves an entry into the VHoF (Villain Hall of Fame). To persuade you, I’ll list six reasons why this villain is such a good villain. (Six because I like synergy). Let’s begin.

Summary

This article, as you probably surmised from the title, is about Hans Gruber, the classiest not terrorist (I don’t even know who the classiest terrorist is. Maybe somebody from the Bond films?) out there. Gruber also has a side gig as a Shakespeare actor at the local theater, as well as having ghost written many award winning Hollywood films (Little known fact, Gruber was actually the real writer of Rocky, not Stallone) Here are my reasons for why this stylish, classically educated mastermind should be inducted.

Reason 1

Let’s get the basic stuff out of the way. Most villains fall into two categories. They’re either super powerful, and being powerful can be dumb. Or are super weak and have to be the smartest guy in the room (except the hero must always outsmart them). There are exceptions to these categories. Thanos is unusually smart for somebody who can beat up Hulk in a brawl. (There’s also secretly a third smaller category in which I like to call Twinsies. Twinsies are villains who are just a copy of the hero except they have different ideals. The ultimate example of this is Magneto and Dr. Xavier. They’re just carbon copies of each other. I like villains that fall into the Twinsies camp because it leads to interesting dynamics and conversations between the two characters.) Oh sorry I went off the rails there. Back to what I was saying. Gruber falls into the smart but not physically imposing category. Sure he knows how to shoot a gun, and doesn’t mind getting a little dirty occasionally, but for the most part his job is to tell the giant germans where to go. And this is really where Gruber’s appeal lies. He’s such a smart character, and has a failsafe for literally every problem. So I just wanted to address that at the start. Gruber’s a clever gent, and half of the reason Die Hard is so enjoyable is because of Rickman’s performance.

Reason 2

His fashion sense is impeccable. I would say that fashion is a deep and interesting well. One that I delve into on a semi-regular basis. Most of my fashion cues come from movies. And in a lot of action movies that aren’t directed by Guy Ritchie or star James Bond, the overall sense of style is mediocre at best. Mostly jackets, maybe a suit here or there. But for the most part the villains don’t seem to have checked in the mirror that morning before they began doing their evil deeds. That’s where Gruber is the odd one out. My man is dressed to impress. The suits, the coats, the ties, even his gun has a beautiful silver casing. Honestly I wish that I could pull of Gruber’s look. Even the goatee, which often looks ridiculous, only enhances Gruber’s presence as a man who is not to be meddled with.

Reason 3

The guy knows his history. One of my favorite quotes in the over the top 80s action movie is when Gruber is walking through a small series of miniatures displaying the Nakatomi Corporation’s ventures and he says in a wistful tone, “‘And when Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept, for there were no more worlds to conquer.’ Benefits of a classical education.” Being a writer and a reader, I’m a huge fan of when characters in movies quote literature (although supposedly this isn’t the wording of an actual Alexander the Great book, but rather a Twilight Zone episode). It gives Gruber a more scholarly vibe, which pairs well with his demeanor.

Reason 4

The extent of his plan is actually breathtaking. First off, he obviously gathered together every single “terrorist” for this operation, which meant scouting out the right candidates, then weeding the bad ones out and finding his dream team. That alone must have taken a year, maybe even two. It’s gotta be hard to find two brothers, one who’s more physical, the other more technological. Oh and both have to speak fluent English and German. I mean there can’t be more than six people who fit those specific categories right? After getting everybody on a plane to California, Gruber then somehow gets the building plans for Nakatomi Tower, realizes that the only way to open the last door vault is to have the power be shut off not locally. So he hatches a game plan to make the police think they’re dealing with terrorists, the police call the FBI, the FBI then shut off the power grid, and the vault door opens. That alone would be enough. But after the vault is open and they’ve got the bonds. Gruber already has a plan to earn twenty percent. How in the world he plans on doing that is beyond me. You’d think after gettin out of the building safely Gruber would be fine with what he has. No. My guy already has another money-making strategy going on. What a villain.

Reason 5

Inception is a very enjoyable movie. It’s also an enjoyable pitch. Dreams within Dreams and all that. Well guess what. Gruber was doing that little Russian Doll concept years before Nolan earned a cool $800 million from that idea. The movie starts off, and he comes in acting like a terrorist, albeit a classy one. Guns blazing, but also coat tails blazing. Then when the police appear, he begins performing as if he’s like an extremist, one with incredibly strong beliefs and asks for a number of “revolutionary brothers and sisters” to be released from various prisons around the world. Then later when Gruber is checking the C4 on the roof, and McClane catches him, Hans puts on a fake American accent and pretends to be a Nakatomi worker. Of course all of these personalities are just a front. Gruber is really just a man on a mission. Get rich, and be earning twenty percent on a beach by the next day. What more could you want from life.

Reason 6

There’s a term for a very particle type of character. A type of character that often end up being my favorite parts of stories. The type of character known as a Gentleman Thief. Imagine, George Clooney in Ocean’s 11. Here’s the wikipedia definition for Gentleman Thief. “A gentleman or lady thief usually has inherited wealth and is characterized by impeccable manners, charm, courteousness, and the avoidance of physical force or intimidation to steal. As such, they steal not only to gain material wealth but also for the thrill of the act itself, which is often combined in fiction with correcting a moral wrong, selecting wealthy targets, or stealing only particularly rare or challenging objects.” Aka, Hans Gruber. This is the chief reason I love Gruber as a character so much. I keep using the word “classy” to describe his demeanor, style, and overall impact on the world around him. Because it truly encapsulates what Gruber’s purest essence is.

Outro

Thank for you for your time chairmen and chairwomen of the VHoF (Villain Hall of Fame). It was an honor to present this argument. And I hope you’ll take Hans Gruber into consideration as an inductee.